Think back to the last time you had an argument. Were you trying to defend or convince someone of your point of view? Did you want to prove that you were right?
Sorry to break it to you, but during this argument you probably used violent communication. This is very common, people have been communicating violently for ages. We come from an authoritarian society, where, in order to gain and maintain a high position, one must judge, warn, teach lessons, and impose their point of view.
Violent communication isn’t only raising your voice or using insults. It can also be giving unsolicited advice, complaining, or being excessively sarcastic. If it’s uncomfortable for us to communicate with people when they’re doing this, it’s logical to assume that others don’t like it either.
In order to feel safe, we need to be treated with warmth and tenderness, to be heard, and to feel understood and considered. Any kind of communication that deviates from these parameters, can be considered violent, even if the intentions are good.
We’ve all been taught that conflict is bad, you only need to take a look in the dictionary to discover that every definition has a negative connotation and this is a clear reflection of society. Having a conflict causes discomfort, and in this situation we have two kinds of reactions: run away or attack.
We all have our own internal map of experiences and learnings collected throughout our lives, making each of us unique. Considering that there are infinite ways to see and interpret the world, it’s very common to disagree or clash with other’s opinions.
Putting importance on fixing conflicts is fundamental. If we resolve them in the best way, we strengthen our relationships, if we don’t, we may end up destroying them.
Let’s get back to that last time you had a conflict. Think about how it started. You probably got irritated by someone’s words or actions and so you reacted and the communication broke down. We tend to believe that people deliberately provoke or make us feel a certain way.
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Excelente! muy buena
justo cuando pasé por un conflicto, ¡Gracias!
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