The risky art of having
Many of us were raised with the belief that openly disagreeing with people is kind of rude, unnecessary and even demonstrates bad manners. This is why, in our adult lives disagreeing with someone can cause so much internal conflict.
Expressing different points of view to our colleagues, managers, partners and the random people we meet friend’s dinner parties can be difficult or even controversial.
We always end up having to have these unavoidable conversations, but choosing to have them sooner, rather than later could prevent major work mistakes and losses.
Those ugly products that no one buys, the toxic new hires that become permanent or the time you snapped at a colleague in the middle of a meeting all happened because we didn’t speak out about what was troubling us.
Aversion to conflict is not the only obstacle when we are trying to contrast ideas, it is also the false understanding of what consensus really is.
We tend to think that consensus is reaching unanimity when what we’re really trying to achieve with consent is to think together (which has nothing to do with the idea of thinking equally).
When people genuinely think together there will be debates and disagreements because our opinions are different and that’s the process we go through to reach a better solution. However, we must acknowledge that this isn’t a smooth process, a quiet vote and the crowd nodding after the very first solution is proposed, for the first stage creative destruction is required.
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